There is no problem. Resistance to that no-problem is the problem. (I am making perfect sense to myself.)

I guess that in going soft one absorbs the attack/problem and doesn’t set up resistance to it. And 2,000 years ago it was said to “resist not evil”, and about 30 years ago it was said: “resistance to the disturbance is the disturbance”. Fragility = softness = vulnerability = compassion?

There is also a beautiful collection of short stories in Spanish by Manuel Gutierrez Najera called Cuentos Fragiles that speaks to the fragility of human life, with its suffering and pain. I don’t know if it has been translated into English, but it tells stories about different peoples’ fragility when faced with various unfortunate circumstances.

I want to introduce another word though: resilience. Like all of Nature’s complicated systems, we are resilient. Physically and emotionally, we find many ways to cope with our troubles, and often we don’t know that we are being resilient until someone tells us.

A friend recently told me about his heart surgery (he and I share an ailment so his experience was of great interest to me) and he said that when the doctors looked inside him, they found that some of his arteries weren’t connected in the usual way. I blanched, but he reassured me in a very level-headed way. He pointed out that no one knows what is inside them unless the doctors take a look.

Running from fragility, grasping at resilience – two mistakes I think. Accepting both without knowing what is weak and what is strong, that should be our practice.

It has always seemed to me that other cultures (Eastern ones especially) have clearly deliniated stages of life –student, householder, scholar, ascetic ……at least it IS IN their culture as a philosophy of life, even if not practiced as much in the present “westernization” of the planet…but in our western capitalist culture, we are all fed denial – thru advertising, cosmetic surgery, viagra, ETC…..so it is against the grain to be embracing the gifts and losses of aging….but very joyful!

I am fortunate, a paradox, to be an alcoholic. The program of AA again and again demands that I be open to what is, that I accept whatever is happening, changing only what is within my small sphere of influence: My attitude and my actions. I only get into trouble when I battle against what is. To me going to battle means that I am afraid, that I view something as an enemy out to get me. The truth is that all life is fragile but if I spend my time fretting about that fact, I only deprive myself of this moment. Like the beautiful cut glass vase my grandmother gave me, given to her by her grandmother. I used to keep it in a closet on a high shelf for fear it would be harmed. Now I love to set it out, filled with flowers. What is the point of a beautiful object or a loving heart if they are locked away for safe keeping? In the light there is the risk of breaking yet that is where life is.

This is the Bodhisattva vow.

This evening, my wife and I were watching a movie (Benjamin Button) and at some point she looked over at me saw that I was weeping–I cry easily at almost any movie or life event that portrays or expresses tenderness, thoughtfulness, forgiveness, family reunions, etc.

When I was younger, I was taught stay tough and not show that tender, open side of myself. It was only after a crisis that I discovered how shut down I was.

I can only speak for myself but I see hardship and suffering in my work, in my community and the world at large.

Maybe, at some level, being open may also mean that we have to get involved.

As I think I’ve written earlier on this line, my kidney function is very low, so I have qualified for dialysis for years, though I am not presently on it. It was not a good treatment for me. I am on a transplant list, waiting for a deceased-donor kidney. The average wait (for a type O) is 3 years. I’d like to get a kidney before I have to go back on dialysis. I have nothing to say about it.

Just a word then for the fragility of the body. The form, changing, out of our control. I so much like to live.