The fifth “great fear” of Buddhism is, strangely enough, the “fear of public speaking.” The other four—fear of death, fear of illness, fear of dementia, and fear of loss of livelihood—are so obviously great fears that it is curious that fear of public speaking is included with them. Certainly those who have this fear can report that it is paralyzing—similar to a panic attack. One person I know who had this fear said, quite calmly, that they would prefer to slit their throat rather than speak before an audience.
There is little teaching or analysis in the Buddhist texts about this fear, so I can only guess about it. Certainly monks did have occasion to speak before crowds—it was part of how they supported themselves—so clearly this particular kind of stage fright was well known in the ancient world. I actually think that this fifth fear is a clue to the other four. All five mobilize the “red alert” threat machinery of our nervous system—the racing heart, the shortness of breath, the overwhelming sense of being out of control. And what is this “red alert” machinery? It is the last ditch survival strategy of the organism, the ultimate ego defense. It is the face of panic.
Trungpa Rinpoche was known to admire panic as an extremely creative way to break through the bonds of ego. I wish I had the exact quote, but it was something like that. Panic is the true face of ego, with all the civilized overlay stripped away. This is not to say that awakened people cannot experience panic. Suzuki Roshi, my teacher, wrote eloquently of his panic experience of near drowning. He appreciated the experience and felt that it helped deepen his practice.
I don’t recommend panic as a new kind of spiritual experience, but these five great fears are, I think, about panic, and what can be learned from panic. The most important lesson is that panic is something we can get through. Rarely do people actually die of panic, although the thought of dying, literally or figuratively, is what causes the panic. Once, due to a neurological illness, I was in panic some part of every day for nearly a year. It was about as bad as anything can get. But strangely, now that I am recovered, I don’t seem to be as fearful about things as I once was. I can’t claim that this is due to any great emerging wisdom, as much as long familiarity with panic. As one of my doctors said to me, “You’ve been to the mountaintop of anxiety. It kind of got burned out.”
Incidentally, for those who actually suffer from fear of public speaking, beta blockers are a good medicinal remedy. And I have been told that it is one of the easier phobias to cure through desensitization. No need to slit your throat—about that or anything else, really. Life itself is hard enough without imagining that level of drama.
Most of my public speaking goes to patients and families I work with in ICU, as it is a focus I am very interested in. Understanding the course of events which brought us to a threshold of beginning a new direction, the modifications that will have to be made to reclaim a portion of normalcy, or emotional adjustments to the chaos, creates in me a platform to answer questions of basic need, versus basic want. And there is intense interest here on the basics of life, a simplified direction that has answers that make a difference in reducing suffering.
Just the topic that plagues me……thanks!
As chairman of a lecture series, I sometimes need to get up in front of strangers to give an introduction and to thank
those people who’ve helped put the lecture together.
I, at first, felt total panic in doing this..although it felt like I was bluffing my way through…
In wondering how to overcome this anxiety, I refer to my meditation practice and experiences and this helps a little.
I think needing to be perfect and knowing I’m not plays a large role in my fears so I have begun not worrying about dressing up, hair perfect, all that ‘stuff’ which also helps.
All ego junk
Wow – fear of public speaking made it to the Top 5. Who would have guessed? But, just as John and Nan point out, this fear is not easily shrugged off.
Lewis, thanks for starting this discussion and for your insightful comments on panic. I’d like to add an observation: not all panic is the same. Some people very close to me have suffered from crippling anxiety disorders for years. A trip across town could induce overwhelming panic, freeze them in their tracks. It was a humbling experience for them, and while it involved their ego, I wouldn’t say that it was triggered by their ego, at least not in the usual sense.
I also have question for everyone: is it possible that ‘fear of public speaking’ was deemed important because of the Buddha’s own outreach efforts? As we know, he offered teachings regularly, sometimes to large crowds, sometimes to royalty and aristocrats, and he spurred his disciples to spread the dharma. Perhaps these experiences sharpened his awareness of this fear? One can imagine many sides to this fear: the exposure and vulnerability that a speaker feels before a crowd, the desire of a speaker to win his or her audience over to a particular point of view, a speaker’s anxiety to make a good impression, the risk to a speaker’s status within a community when she or he takes a public position.
I don’t know if there’s anyone out there who has access to the original Pali, but I wonder about the connection between this fear and the urban life that was becoming more common in the Buddha’s day. Does the Pali really say “public speaking” or something else? Does the original text imply speaking to a large audience? Does it imply an audience of strangers? An urban setting provides these kinds of audiences in abundance.
another pragmatic and very difficult teaching for learning to allow and to practice openess and vulnerability as a sustained way of being.
oh, i know this one from both the terror and the freedom. first breakthrough came from beta blockers and very soon i realized i wouldn’t die or worse babble. then it became “ok” and then better than “ok”.
freedom came when i could stand up there and let words and their origins flow through me. i didn’t have to rely on knowledge or expertise. i could offer the container for a real meeting of minds or hearts – and so i didn’t have to protect “me”. public speaking became a shosan even though the topic was health policy.
and the terror before the breakthrough and the freedom was just that – TERROR, yukky, sobbing, hiding, bargaining, you know “please, don’t let this happen” pleading.
thank you for this blog – it too is a container where our hearts can meet.
diane
I am familiar with this type of fear since I am an attorney. It lessened for me when I watched another attorney, experienced and persuasive, be anxious before going to court. Then I realized that I was not alone and that the fear would come each time I went to court. Knowing and accepting that the fear would come and could be overcome has made public speaking something I can do and do well. It’s not that I don’t have fear, but that I just accept that it’s part of who I am and it will not prevent me from doing what I need to do. I am still learning the lessons that experience teaches.
What kind of neurological illness did you have that lead to panics everyday? How did you overcome it?
Ah, yes, well that’s why I’m not aging anymore. I’m still living and living better than I have in about 15 years. As I wrote in one of my posts, I’m not aging; I’m younging. I quote Bette Davis: “I won’t die until I spot growing.” Death doesn’t scare me; living forever would scare me a lot more! Do I have an immortal soul? I like to think that, but then, energy is energy and everything is energy and the Essence of Energy is Ineffable so why worry about The Unknown when there is so much to do here and now in Life? We worry about many things that we could do something about, and yet, we need to worry less and do more when we can and how we can. We can’t do anything at all about what happens to us “after-life” on Earth? Worrying about it seems to me to be a sad, even tragic waste of precious time. I don’t like Ekkie Tolle, but the philosophy of now and the practice of living in the present is sane and healthy as long as we can understand the living dynamics of yesterday, today, and tomorrow, tomorrow, and tomorrow. . . . .
(I don’t like Tolle because he doesn’t share his knowledge; he preaches it like any other religious fanatic. His writings are maudlin, and loaded with the talk and terms of New Age flooding the pages like tide waves of sewage. Anyone who tells me ego is an illusion and must erased in order for one to become one with the Self is no different than someone telling me if I don’t believe that Christ is the Son of God and born of a Virgin, and is the savior of humankind, then I will fry in Hell. That’s one heck of an illusion to me, either way. They’re both judgmental and lacking in any good skill of critical thinking. Ah, but don’t think, so we are told. Oh, shut-up! I mean no offense to anyone in Tricycle, and my attack mode is merely based on my being tired of offenses of thoughtless assumptions and shallow excuses for “enlightenment” and “higher consciousness.” Oh, yes, I do believe in Enlightenment and Higher Consciousness. I’m on my own Journey toward becoming more and more wise, loving, and giving freely and without fear. But I sacrifice nothing because I have nothing to burn. Ego is. It never disappears. Even Ekkie Tolle still is an ego. No-ego, no-self beings are like the people in the movie Equilibrium–they are egoless, dead, passionless slaves to a belief system that has become their Master and their destinies are mundanity in pseudo-utopia, a.k.a. dystopia.
Wow! I really go on a roll there in two different directions. Well, I need some rest, so I go away now and be quite.
Thanks for putting up with me.
Truly,
Arrow
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