Recently I saw the movie Crazy Heart, in which Jeff Bridges won an academy award playing the role of Bad Black, an over-the-hill Country Western singer looking for redemption and a second chance. I thought the theme was quite apropos for my current focus on the joys of aging—one of which, I think, is the possibility and reality of second chances. Bad Blake had had real talent when he was younger, but he screwed up his life in various ways. He was alcoholic, he was married (and divorced) four times, he abandoned his infant son, and his career imploded due to his drinking and bad judgment.
And yet “Bad” was a sincere human being; that was why his fans still loved his songs, which used to pour out of him like water from a mountain spring—until the spring went dry and he was relegated to singing old songs in one-night stands in bowling alleys. Then his now-famous protégé Tommy Sweet, whom Bad both loved and hated, offered him a second chance and in a moving scene Bad is on the telephone with his agent, who is explaining Tommy had offered Bad a chance to open a show in a major venue in front of thousands of people. “No!” Bad shouted into the phone, “No way! Never!” As his agent explained that this would be his one big shot, Bad hedged. “I have to think about it.
“No time!” his agent replied. “Yes or no. Right now.”
Bad is too broke and too desperate to hold onto his grudges. “Yes, yes!” Bad screams. “Goddamn it, yes!”
That was it. That was the start of his second chance. Eventually the second chance came all the way through for Bad, but not before he lost the new woman he loved, had his adult son hang up on him, had to go to rehab to get sober, and endure other losses. Bad, no longer “bad,” even went back to his given name—Otis.
Yes, Bad got his second chance. But it took everything he had to get there. His story is everyone’s story. There are always second chances, around each bend in life’s aging road. When the chance comes, there is often no time to think. It is yes or no. And to put a fresh spin on a tired phrase, when that moment comes you just say yes.
I young woman whom I was seeing in psychotherapy treatment was helped to live a more joyous life when she reconnected with her father. They had never been close, but
they gave themselves and each other a second chance, which revitalized them both.
I’ve written an article, called “The Great Mistake,” which touches on this relationship. It will be published in Psychoanalytic Perspectives in the Fall.
Mahalo (thank you) Lew. So timely this posting. Living with an “no cure” disease, this helps me to remember, when I can, each day is a second chance, mostly to tell people I love them, and to open my heart to myself, a lifelong challenge.
Aloha wau ia ‘oe e Lew ( I love you Lew)
Nikko
Hawai’i island
Gassho, thank you, Lew:
That was a touching reminder, of “Never too late”…..
I loved Jeff Bridges in the movie, more than the movie, itself.
Women being the redemptive factor for elderly drunks is an old, tired, theme, and not a helpful example for us.
Maggie’s redemption was the choice between her son and Bridges, and her act of choosing a better man, was the vehicle for her redemption, a tired theme.
Why not choose herself, leaving the enabling to someone else?
Thanks, again,
Dot
Though the movie’s redemptive ending was different from the outcome in the book (Bad’s luck went from bad to worse, owing to decisions contrary to his best interests), both are instructive. There’s no time to lose. Start where you are. Take a step and follow it with another. Pay attention. Must be present to win.
The desire for drama is gone in me.
Every morning I get a second chance.
Do I sit, breath by breath, and still the mind.
Again, and again, I say Yes!
Does doubt nag and sap my commitment?
Yes. But I get a second chance, breath by breath.
Does the mind wander here and there?
Yes, but the second chance is winning…..
Deep Gassho.
Many thanks, Lew, for your wisdom and sharing. We all have new chances that are possible in every moment. Recently I turned away from fear and reunited with the man I love whom I recently divorced and left due largely to unemployment over the past 1 1/2 years and the worsening of depression, anxiety and fear that can go along with worrying whether you can continue to have a roof over your head. We have another chance, he has a new job, and I am so grateful we had the courage to be together again! Each day, each moment, a new beginning….. Deep bows to you, Lew.
I must say, I enjoy reading your site. Maybe you could let me know how I can bookmark it ? I feel I should let you know I found this site through Bing.
Two exceptional teachings from you, Lew, this week! So, so good.
I am behind the times in that I just read this fascinating blog about Second Chances. The suffering that term arouses in my heart cannot even be expressed properly. How Bad crawled out of his hole and became Otis, his original face, typifies the struggle.
Yesterday I read the interview and saw your photos as an entirely different looking man. Thank you for opening your life to us. That transparency is the essence of being a teacher, no matter the tradition, isn’t it?
Blessings,
Lj