Older and Happier
Some of your may have seen the recent news story about a study (a Gallup poll really) that reported, “Life looks a little rosier after 50, a new study finds. Older people in their mid- to late-50s are generally happier, and experience less stress and worry than young adults in their 20s, the researchers say. “
I’d be interested to know if readers agree. Certainly at the level of basic life stress, young people in college or looking for a job are undoubtedly stressed. It may also be that by the time we are in our 50s we have had a lot of experience with stress, and we don’t experience our stress as stressfully as the young. The study actually mentions this as a possible explanation.
I’m not discounting the truth of the study; it’s just that “happiness” is a notoriously difficult thing to measure or quantify. I like to say that Buddhism is a teaching about happiness, mostly to counter the prevailing misunderstanding that the Buddha taught that “Life is suffering.” That would reduce the Dharma to a bumper sticker: “Life is hard and then you die.”
Probably the fairest thing to say is that some people are happier than others, that happiness in a “hedonic” sense—the study distinguishes this sense of variable happiness from a deeper “global” happiness which seems more related to temperament—varies by age, by gender, and by a great many other things. It is also undoubtedly true that those of us in our 50s think about things (such as aging) that the young don’t think about much.
I’m not sure, in the end, that happiness is the main thing anyway. My teacher liked to distinguish between “happiness” and “contentment,” because contentment is a broader attitude that can accept degrees of happiness and sadness. Someone in pain—whether physical, mental, or emotional—is not necessarily happy, but they could be content, for a variety of reasons. Even grateful.
It’s hard to know the answers to these questions unless you know a person’s whole life.
I think the stress 20′s experience is simply different than that of the 60′s. the ways the different age groups seek happiness differs also.
Human Development research has demonstrated this repeatedly. It is a bit like comparing the stressors for 8 year olds with those of 28 or 88 year olds. We all experience stress (Buddhist “suffering”) according to our ages needs, experience, and points of view.
I agree that it is hard to know the answers without knowing a person’s life. Interesting isn’t it? Life, I mean.
The traditional measurement of happiness and contentment has been disturbed by the recent economic recession, and resetting of wealth in the world. A lot of folks over 50 who thought that they were secure and prepared for retirement are scrambling, looking for jobs to help cover their losses. They’re also worried about the future for their kids and grandkids. There has been a loss of so many jobs that just will not be coming back for a long time, if at all. And the jobs that are available will be at a much lower rate of pay, and require much more education and involvement than anything in the recent past. Perhaps (hopefully)this is something that will help bring out a hunger for spiritual contentment, rather than just material satisfaction. Maybe when people realize that there really is no security in the material view of everything , then they’ll seek the Dharma.
Did the news story mention the employment status of the respondents? From what I’ve seen, those nearing retirement (early fifties) tend to stress out in a big way.
Maybe what happens in the fifties is that we have to use our energy more wisely, because there’s less of it. There are things I’m just not willing to waste my energy on any more, in order to focus on what’s really important to me. But things don’t seem particularly “rosy,” or “happy.” It is what it is. I prefer to drop the struggle and experience the ride….
To be happy, happier or happiest is a relative state conditioned by what we have as experience that creates this primarily through what or how much we consume.
But if one can be happier with less, or at peace even within turmoil we have stepped out of the mold. By breaking the conditional sense of happiness we begin to find wonder, bliss within simple connections between thoughts, sensations and experiences whereby we are taken on a journey each day and able then to remain open and receptive to all life, suffering and death that has us offer as happiness, or peace.
My favorite bumper stick dharma is from poet and Buddhist Jane Hirshfield, Buddhism in 7 words:
Everything changes, everything is connected,pay attention
Actually, that might take 3 bumper stickers, but I could spread them out across the bumper.
Perhaps anyone who fully realized those 7 words would be happy. Nothing to get stressed about.
Happiness “experts” need to take into account that we are all one phone call away from being brought to our knees.
In general, it seems to me that happiness has something to do with seeing through the 8 worldly dharmas, when we’re not so tossed around by pleasure/pain, praise/blame, gain/loss, fame/disgrace.
Assessing who is happy and who is not would be hard. People lie and mask misery often quite expertly. Haven’t we all known of at least one person who appeared to the world to be happy, who committed an act of violence against self or someone else?
Reminds me of the poem Colors by John Homer Miller which says in effect that situations and circumstances do color our lives, but we have been given the mind to choose what the colors will be. Happiness? Maybe not. Contentment? Yes.
Why are we always referring to those in their fifties when we speak of aging????
I am almost 74, working, practicing,strongly exercising, helping to care for my 7 grandchildren,in relationship with my 4 children and a primary relationship.
I am coming to befriend my aging bodymind spirit and have acquired much love and respect for her beingness.
The older I become, the more contentment and happiness. I find…..,.most of the time, anyway, and when things and times are difficult, I practice gratefulness for my sitting practice, my family, my friendships and my sangha and know for certain that everything will change.
Aging requires a deep well of patience, appreciation and humor.
Is there a connection between happiness and true wisdom? Perhaps that is why the study finds we are able to say we are happier as we age. I think you are right about the nature of contentment as opposed to happiness.
I do agree that I find myself happy more often and more deeply as I have aged. Is this simply because I am learning what matters (hopefully) and am therefore able to find deeper contentment and fulfillment with the real substance of life itself? Even the bothersome and unpleasant don’t have the ultimate effect of destroying my inner contentment that it certainly had when I was younger.
I’m sure you’re right about “true wisdom” being the factor that allows some people to get happier as they age. Everyone has met curmudgins who don’t allow themselves to acquire wisdom, and thereby make themselves miserable.
How I interpret “true wisdom” is:
1) understanding the interconnectedness of all things, and the emptiness of self-existence;
2) accepting that we cannot control most outcomes, and allowing us to go with the flow;
Don’t know if a youngster like me (mid-40s) is allowed to hang out here
The young have something to prove. Most of us in the latter third or so of our life spans find we have very little to prove. To anyone.
We are less easy to deceive about how certain things are connected and what matters. Just sloughing off the unpleasant anxiety of being caught up in competition is enough to make this oldster happy.
It seems to me that the learning curve, in our fifties, (for some) is what is painful. Change from taking one’s physical being for granted, to accepting pain, limits, illness, etc., are all possible at any age. Zazen,or any other form of meditation, for me helps me accept what is, not what should be.
We can speak of “beating the system”, but factors such as genetics, chance, economics, geography, can influence the rate at which we age.
No virtue in proclaiming, I’m not worried about aging, if you’re in denial.
I agree practicing gratefulness is an antidote, but not “for something”. How about gratefulness just for “this precious life”?
Probably no one knows my “whole life” better than me and I have a hard time answering these questions.
Sometimes life’s like this, other times life’s like that.
The work of spiritual maturity – which is not the same as chronological maturity – might allow us to be okay with however life presents itself.
I am now 72. Yes, I definitely believe I am more content than I was in my 20′s and 30′s. Yet, I actually worry more now rather than earlier because my life experience has demonstrated how easily things can change and I’m far more concerned about world events. As for stress, while I am more easily stressed than when I was younger, I better know how to handle it–thanks to my introduction to meditation and yoga in my late 30′s.
To the extent it is true, it may be as you say–we’ve lived through many thoughts and things. For myself, I am developing equanimity about life’s “10,000 joys and 10,000 sorrows.”
As Buddhists, are we not taught and trained to accept the world as it is – not as we want or think it should be? While it is our practice, I suspect the same is true for non-Buddhists.
The higher rate of happiness amongst the over 50 crowd (of which I am one) almost certainly has a lot to do with conditioned learnings gained from our day-to-day life experiences. Certainly over the years in both our personal and professional lives we’ve encountered a multitude of situations that force us to recognize that the world just isn’t ever going to realign to our wants and desires.
As sentient beings, these unacknowledged realizations force us to grudgingly accept what we can’t change and unknowingly we gain some serenity (ie happiness) along the way.
With age comes experience. With experience comes wisdom…..slowly.
Thanks for this topic. Very interesting responses.
I agree that there are many variables that impact our happiness…speaking for myself, I am happier and much less stressed because I don’t feel the need to meet others expectations and I no longer try to be someone else. I have accepted who I am and I am both happy and content in that acceptance.
I also believe that life experience and wisdom offer perspective to me at this age (68) which reduces the stress and concerns that plagued me facing the future without that experience and wisdom.
All in all, I am happier, more content and much less stressed.
I have to agree with Bev Scott. Now that my family has grown I can take time to sit and listen to the birds, enjoy nature and slow down and breathe.
I am about to retire and feel that a new chapter is opening in my life book. I look forward to it with much anticipation, yet taking each moment as it comes.
This very moment is wonderful.